LYRICS

a whim & a prayer
what i'm saying is that by lying to you,
i can almost believe it
what you're getting is a perversion of a half truth
before you even see it
if i could speak in tongues what i'd say to you...
to move you like a seduction
like one i wouldn't consummate...
"i don't think there's enough time to even consider truth."
ignore it and go on, isn't that what we usually do?
my lips move like my voice is dubbed
my eyes are closed like sleep, like love.
i can only watch through the real-view mirror,
until i turn the corner
where I lose good-byes and forevers
to the sift of my memory
is it fair to say this is not a game?
is it fair to say that nothing will change?
we stay the same and avoid the pain for the sake of sanity

along the way
i donít know why i bother
in a world of only lies
i donít know why i let it
break my heart every time
how should we go on? why should we try?
i donít know why, i just donít know why...
lies
somethingís been lost along the way
the vision is quickly fading away
messages are heard but soon we forget
we havenít kept our promises yet
the way we act is an act of fashion
not a sense of responsibility
when itís made a game, not a reaction
weíve lost our individuality
if first comes face and then comes faith
we are walking a thin line
while your ideas change with the way you look
my ideas will change the times

beautiful extreme
i hope we die before we wake
from this lie we've chosen to take
to such a beautiful extreme
remember when we were fifteen?
so eager to lose our purity in medicine and insanity
(mine eye offends me)
i guess i meant what i said, what i said so many times
how could our paths have led to such unsaid good-byes?
is this just ritual masturbation which is without sensation
- our plucking our eyes out for wisdom

best excuses
decisions that we make, promises we break
living without fear like on the edge of a knife
only so many years but so much life
i was never too young,
nearly killed myself in the name of fun
still, i accept all the things i've done
knowing it has only just begun
but sometimes it feels like i could push the amps up
until my goddamn ears bled
and still no one would ever hear one fucking word i've said
now, how long has it hurt like this?
ashes to ashes and trust to dust
i guess i don't really know what's right;
i just do what i must
i'm not another entertainment and i don't aim to please
i will never shut up about what offends me
your schools have destroyed my mind
my friends have destroyed me inside
i want innocence, i want to be blind
honesty is my excuse, at least i try

black-white
some things are just too fucked to forgive
like judging people by the color of their skin
we'll keep saying it because it needs to be said
if we can't live it we are better off dead
intolerance-no intelligence
both sides of this-idiots each
do you think we're fucking kidding?

blindness
my mindís been shut so many times
that i donít even want to open my eyes
iím hungry for something in this world
but i donít really want to be a part of your world
my morals taste of rust-too far stretched
and iím too smart to trust
iím not happy, my mind is full gone
learned a lot from the past, and itís all wrong
this is how fast iíve run
this is what iíve become
still wearing my boots, still ready to erupt
still pretty fucked up.
what i see from living outside of you,
itís hard, i hate, almost impossible.
is it worth the pain and the sorrow?
will i crack today or will i crack tomorrow?
do i tolerate them, or do they me?
are they really totally blind
or has blindness struck me?
just too much work, too much work to be free
people pretend to have authority
while being bludgeoned into conformity
i canít say that right is my way
i just want my check on Friday
ask why action appeals to me
because passiveness has failed so miserably
passive change is the same as decay
thatís why the world is so violent today
i will never be the same...

borderline entropy
this society's freedom is just a padded yoke
all you right-wing kids are such a fucking joke
what could be more insignificant
than your laughable patriotic bullshit
can't you even see,
they wouldn't even care if you didn't make such good TV
(unlike me)
they had a problem with each other
and i was caught in the crossfire
it was no rare coincidence
but still no matter of small consequence
at least it didn't seem so at the time
it didn't seem so when you cried-
there's things i want that i just can't
and i can deal with that, man, and that is that
gets to me sometimes i swear
and i lie when i say that i don't care
pity for her if she cried, contempt for you when you lie

common cause
look at things the way they stand today-
try to explain what your fighting for and they
shake their heads and say "they're just kids"
don't condescend to me; i know what you're going to say
i tried once but i couldn't be the same
i will take the blame
it's a common cause
it's so true that the only constant is change
and the more things change the more they stay the same
but something keeps my ideas flowing, i can't explain
with this world something is fundamentally wrong
and i'm not ashamed to try and save it with a song
so much wrong, so much hurt been ignored for too long
it's a common cause

contempt
when i saw your teenage culture
my contempt turned to a torture
i had to change to make sure that i had
nothing to do with you
but now what i see is the exact same
in the people who are aren't supposed to be the same
and i'm ashamed
yes i know that this has been said before
but i always thought it meant more
than what? what am i screaming for?
there's no one to open any door
what am i screaming for?
do you remember anything
or are we just another clique
you've got no great wisdom
and you haven't seen much i haven't seen
but man, with his hippie shit
i can tell you're 20 years too late
yeah i may be close-minded
but at least i react against what i hate

cynical
cynical, that belies something.
your disappointment betrays a belief-
you had hoped for better...haven't we all?
...hoped for better, and you will never get over that.
it is in layers that we cover the past's pain,
layers of lesser or greater pain.
sometimes it's hard to remember
what I was running from then.
sometimes it's hard to remember what led me...
to what chases me now
maybe something happened somewhere,
and you weren't there.
maybe we could build something,
but you're just too smart to care.
don't you want your silence to be heard?
you've always had the flesh, now find the words
don't be absurd...
it is in layers that we cover the past's pain,
layers of lesser or greater pain.
sometimes it's hard to remember
what I was running from then.
sometimes it's hard to remember what led me...
to what changes me now.
god damn it all, god damn it all,
you don't believe, and I can't even blame you at all
so through it all, through it all,
you never let them know.

daylight
singing daylight song and looking stranger under the sun.
articulate but dumb...or something like that...
you all call it fun, but i hate it and i run.
security - there is none...
scream "i want to kill myself and everybody else."
you commit this to memory;
i can't figure out what's wrong with me
maybe i'll get it later,
but i'm doomed as soon as the pen hits the paper...
we believe the strangest things
i don't think you can tell us that we're wrong
[though you tried all along].
so stare all you want... your approval - i don't need it.
as for my diploma - i never want to see it.
most of my life hasn't been that long...
i suppose it would be easy to compromise ourselves,
but we haven't got the time.
this may be "out" but i have nothing to sell,
so anything would be fine.
and yeah, i learned some new chords,
what the hell...i got bored.
wouldn't change, couldn't change my mind.
and as Larry's saying he's old, i'm remembering things i stole, and scott's looking unfocused cobalt blue
[yeah, heroes die and fools do too].
chris don't know what to make of us,
wondering if it's worth the fuss.
yeah it is, what the hell else have you got to do?
and we sing...

dear hero
"dear _______,
do you feel you wasted time?
do you feel you wasted your words and rhymes?
the 'movement' never happened, did it?
the world doesn't think it's fucked,
it thinks it's right there in it.
i can't say that you were wrong
because i was the one singing along...
we said we didn't feel human.
well, i learned and so did you.
i can't keep these chords out of my head.
all my friends have failed too.
we sing, "we can cry now."
i'm not surprised how-
when you build something from only hate.
you can't explain yourself, success comes much too late.
i'm so scared, but not of change.
i'm more afraid of things staying the same.
i'm tired of everything.
is it despair or hope that breeds a revolution?
are you ashamed of what you've done?
what are you [what are we] talking about?
it's not a game we play, it's not a game we've made
i'm not looking for a hobby or a career,
i'm looking for something we can hold so dear...
dear hero, i need to know something fast-
why didn't it last?
yours truly,
_______"

p.s. "what do i see when i look at you?
...i see nothing."

grasping at straws
my journal lay unwritten in and i gotta go to sleep
or for work i'll be late again
maybe i'll quit tomorrow
there's got to be something more to me
than funny clothes and being so damn angry
"you got a white shirt i can borrow?"
so much never made sense to me
so much never meant much to me
and there was never much for us to believe at all...
the boss don't even care that much
i quit at noon and buy myself lunch
i sit at the counter feeling sorry
with my hair in my coffee
some street guy commiserates, says he has a son my age
i don't know what to say,
and when he leaves the waitress says he's crazy
but everyone i know is crazy, lost from heritage
and buried deeply in this graveyard
at the end of the century...
now walking down the street people yell at me
but i'm thinking about what andrew said about me.
save your analysis, boredom led me to this.
so if wanting more from life than what is offered is pretension,
then hey, yeah - guilty, but let me mention
i won't be a slave to sorrow, ennui, or convention
so much never made sense to me
so much never meant much to me
and there was never much for us to believe at all...

home
now think what they would do to you,
if they caught you alone
(for the things that you must do).
you could walk in the sun,
but no, you walk alone,
along the path less known and home.

they can talk, and they can hurt.
that's all they can do.
don't talk to them and they cant bury you.
have you been told your problems are your own fault?
it doesn't make them less real,
people will hate you if you are not just as they are.

brought up to hope,
for what i'm just not sure.
some kind of love, some kind of cure.
have i been instilled with such false dreams?
lord, i hope there's no grand scheme.

you could walk in the sun, but you walk alone.
along the path less known and home.

if you choose another long year but we're still here
watching my youth slowly disappear
its pretty damn tragic and funny as hell
...
angry now, but sedated still
we've been drugged with too much time to kill
the media can always pacify; another clever propaganda lie
preaching the American Way - "our society has gone astray"
violence fills our streets; soon they'll be turning on the heat
...
we're dancing now wasting time we don't have
time to appreciate the things you've always had
...
believe that your future is bright and pure
you say "it won't happen here"
"the u.s. has nothing to fear" but iran screams, irish burn
...
if you're afraid to turn on the news
try and hide if you choose
...
you will wish you had been concerned

less than free
with loneliness, another year
seems i lost everything i ever feared
all that shit
i guessed would last
now you've become confused
between your lies and your past
sometimes i give up
sometimes i throw away time
right along with the words
i forced into rhyme
for sanity, my mind grows numb
no, i fear iíve lost my humor of what i become
iím not sure just what i need
but i will never be less than free
i'm not sure what i need
but i will never be less than free
faith believes where theres nothing to be seen
more dumb parties. i see no scene
hiding your eyes, denying what you deem
maybe that's what faith really means
you say that i'm out of touch
but i'm somebody you could never touch
four chords anyone could play
facile words that can be taken several ways
i'm not sure just what i need
but i will never be less than free

laugh to scream
fevers i forget, glazed eyes i lose,
as i crawl to sleep or lie awake for hours
we've burned so hot they flinch from our very glances
and how they make us pay for waking their trances
i used to think my words were important
words that return to me like ghosts
when i laugh i scream, because i think that i am free
pity for her when she cries,
contempt for you when you lie
pity for her when she cries,
but the only thing real is waking and rubbing your eyes.
yeah sincere, but you know that don't mean a thing
and so i write and confess, i reach and regress,
i writhe and sing
how can i force you to be free?
this ain't about growing up, it's not about selling out,
it's for you and me
pity for her when she cries,
contempt for you when you lie
pity for her when she cries,
but the only thing real is waking and rubbing your eyes.

like needed
when i found, what i was looking for...
i felt lonely, not good, and i wrote it on my skin
like turtles, whores stuck on their backs (like needed)
and clowns fall in love with little girls (like needed)
it is of loneliness and a disease of the bone
too grand for me to comprehend or amend
so while gutter hearts pumped black blood (like needed)
and rich lungs burned in the air...(like needed)
i raised my head slowly like the killer
and pulled a blade on the moon, which hung low and blue
like me but not like me, go on-
like whores, turtle shells crack (like needed)
and clowns die, or kill their little girls (like needed)
it just happened, yeah again, we were conjoined
unsure of the logic versus hearts feeding lips blinking efforts
do you understand i have extended my hands (like needed)
into this morning where i can't seem to die (like needed)
but ants will panic at the sight of dry bone (like needed)
and little girls are bored and want to go home (like needed)
i had to smile as she walked to her room
just because it would be the last time iíd smile at her in the dark
now my life is back to normal (like needed)
my heart hanging low with everything, but a love for anything

new heart
the queen of hearts lifted up her skirt
i saw the tattoos on her thighs -
a hundred names contained within red hearts
and choked by barbed wire.
in garters of upc fingerprints
shaded to enhance her form,
and moving as she approached me,
seemed to pulse on her muscles stretched and sore-
the Queen of Hearts smoothed down her skirt
and glanced quickly at the sky,
past lashes that had seen utopias
and seen ideologies slowly die
suddenly she started laughing
as if remembering moments gone wrong
but it sounded more like a sampling-
like a background to a beat from some other song
the Queen of Hearts laced up her boots, i saw all 88 eyes
over pulled-on tights of black and white stripes
covering her scarred thighs
"my heart of hearts has been overrun by vanity
and true i learned, to love it
but the sky itself is taunting me
and i will rise above it."

nothingís paid for
there ainít no justice in this world
there ainít no good ideas neither
and when the whole story unfurls
somebodyís gonna get hurt
just looking for something to talk about
looking for something to brag about
looking for someway to leave everybody else out
there ainít nothing paid for in this house
thereís nothing left i can do without
and when they do turn the lights out
somebodyís gonna get hurt
weíre looking for something to talk about
weíre looking for something to brag about
weíre looking for someway to leave everybody else out
nothingís equal nothingís paid for
nothingís finished
i canít work no more, no more
nothingís equal nothingís paid for
nothingís finished
i wonít work no more
not anymore
(i leave by the door)
and if it's just us in this world
and we're gonna stay without bitterness,
then give an example don't give a sermon,
and give up some of your hurt.

obvious
half caring deity watching over me as i fake sleep
i know what you want from me
i feel like an American ‚ wanting just to have
and like an "American", so naive and ruthless
desperate-lonely is such a dangerous place to be
i'm accepting from all strangers all candy
and trusting everyone to be as obvious as me
it's hard enough just to try
and reasons to live in other's eyes are a gift and i cry
i don't lie(i keep telling myself i haven't lie)
] we get so quiet, desperate and the truth is subjective...
desperate-lonely is such a dangerous place to be
i'm accepting from all strangers all candy
and trusting everyone to be as obvious as me
our guilt is guaranteed long before we begin
damn this accident of birth, damned from original sin
we are compromised immediately be conditions we accept
sick and satisfied we deserve everything we get.
"my country 'tis of thee, enemy of all tribes."
it's by example that we learn...

optimist club
the river evaporates to fog which the sun will burn away
revealing the horizon which taunts me through my day.
you only get one chance, and success is so damn crass...
"you're so goddamn sarcastic."
"fuck that, we don't need to practice before the show..."
...and the radio and everything else- just out of grasp.
and success is so damn crass...
the band evaporates to fog
and the wind and the rent blow that away,
revealing what cruel ambition carries me through my day.
we only saw one chance and success is so damn crass...
...and i need you now.

policy of fission
our life is a vanity
and advice, it can not be obtained
ain't my problem
ache for something true
do i think about it, no
i like it cold
and i keep it quiet
we don't talk about it because it never happened
we're all part of a self-destructive tradition
proponents of a policy of fission
we take just as we're given
and ask me if i care
each failure leads to it's own inherent doom
don't don't don't do not be forever
wishing for another time and place
it speaks of something wrong
you can't finish it
anything we could be anything
including that which you would most hate to be
it's a part of a self-destructive tradition
proponents of a policy of fission
we take just as we're given
oh, ask me if i care
each failure leads to its own inherent doom
advice never helped my heart or my wrists
my throat has never ached like this
i cry for the cold and what i know
changes
like a part of the next best thing
to being a part of anything at all
we are part of what keeps our conscience at bay
a part of it feeling good to say
fucking ask me if i care
i saw you dying with a smile on your face
i said come along we'll sink through this place

reason to care
all these things i see, all the doubts in my mind
all the facts i face and the truth i can't find
with hatred so intoxicating and meaningless,
what can i say on always fucking pissed false start,
so much hate- got to pacify to survive
and hope that what's in my heart
can be translated to my mind
and with this chaos that lives inside my heart
if you and i are really so far apart
i can't help thinking, somewhere, out there-
there must be something -- a reason to care
friends, ha yeah, sure i don't talk to them anymore
something is wrong and it must be with me
'cause i'm the only the one who does not see
they say "trust the art, not the artist"
now do you see how small your part is?
make you feel better? fucking tears me apart-
no responsibility and no heart
no wait, i've made a mistake
still believe? damn straight
friends, ha yeah, sure but i just can't care anymore
something's wrong and it must be with me
i guess that's the way i want it to be
no more songs about the past,
i always say the next will be my last
one thing i'm so scared to see
is that you become what you hate
and that might be me

rogue
sometimes i live to fight
most times i just get by on spite
i get by on spite
we are so fragile
we break with a word
and are these words worth being heard?
are we worth being heard?
we are so much more
we are so much less
i guess our difference we should stress
so sad, i believe in hate
so much more than love
but i canít deal with these things
i canít rise above
i donít know what you see
when you look at me
but youíve made a rogue for an enemy
iím not so tough
iím scared but moving
time will tell if this is enough
this is the frustration
that clouds your mind
the cold reality that turns your eyes
fool, iíve gone way beyond pain
i canít be touched
in the confines of your game
i donít know what you see
when you look at me
but youíve made a rogue for an enemy
iím not so tough
iím scared but moving
time will tell if this is enough
is this enough?

saved
whenever i think i've gone too far
i look and see the way things really are
this world is fucked up - almost beyond hope
fighting and living - can we cope?
know we do this and we do it well
(you can always ignore any answer we're trying to sell)
still trying to do something to stay alive,
hoping life is more than taking a dive
this world is in its perfect place,
with that one foot in the grave
it's always been something i've had to say...
i won't shut up and i won't go away
how far have we come? how long can we run?
how long can we go straight ahead and so;
not making excuses, giving in to abuse
how long can i say "is this the right way?"
i'll stick to this road i've taken,
even if i've been mistaken
everything i do - this moment i seize
inspire myself, i believe what i believe.
this world is in its perfect place,
with that one foot in the grave
it's always been something i've had to say...
i won't shut up and i won't go away

sekai
it is an ugly world, and i am the ugliest of all
and if i can't stop this race i will just fall
but i won't deceive myself by lying to you
and i won't be helping myself by staying with you...
not when it's true
it was an ugly year when my conscience grew
and if i've changed at all I guess it's because of you...
and i won't deceive myself by saying it's not true
and i won't be helping myself by remembering you...
not when it's true

society's pressure
i feel like a brick is about to fall on me
when you ask of my future there is nothing that i can see
can it be my fault or just the way it goes
impossible for me to say, i really just don't know-
don't know don't know-
to some it comes so easy to some it never comes
i will just have to wait and see if at all it comes for me
i don't to be rich, i just want to have fun,
to be really proud of something that i have done
i have only just begun to seek out what i must
it will come eventually so fuck off society.
more than i can say, shout, whisper moan or cry
more than anything else, i can tell you how hard i've tried
it's not love it's a kind of hate and you can't tell me that it's too late
i have only just begun to seek out what i must
it will come eventually
so fuck off society, fuck off society

still
sometimes i feel inhuman because i can not cry,
and it hurts so much more when you know you've tried,
but i'm not going away, i will not die,
so much to say but who am i,
yet i, i can still see the prize in front of me,
it's worth fighting for,
say it again though it's been said before,
could it really hurt to say it once more,
i don't know what you were thinking about,
but i always meant it then and now.

story
these instruments are useless
as if thereís something weíve got to do
these words are true but donít help me
so these words are useless too
sweating sweet as though dying
from some exotic poison
we live our little lives
we walk through the fire
not unscathed but uncaring
shouldering the burden
of the pain weíre sharing
police ask you for identification
youíve chosen your drug for pacification
still trying to find some end to the means
still trying to build some real life dreams
you sing
(this is not profound)
i am unhappy
(this is not profound)
nothing seems to help
thatís a facet but the truth is
we live our little lives
we walk through fire
not unscathed but uncaring
shouldering the burden
of the pain weíre sharing
police search you for identification
youíve lived your life like so much animation
crying out for an end to the means
stoned and stoic, you say you do not dream
i say...
plenty of experience
but no lessons
macho bravado
willing ignorant regression
the end was ruined by
what you did to the means
now iíll just leave you
to you opiate dreams
maybe you did the best with what you found
but thatís the way it is all around
i wonít complain about what you did to me
itís just another story i hate to see
still...

thanks for the cash
the future was just a shallow grave
and we got tired of digging

the lot
angry now, but sedated still
we've been drugged with too much time to kill
the media can always pacify;
another clever propaganda lie
preaching the American Way-
"our society has gone astray"
violence fills our streets;
soon they'll be turning on the heat
"War games!"
hark! the lying angels sing,
but i know they're lying just for me

theme song for nothing
i canít think of much to say
that ainít been yelled before.
now that iíve finally learned how to play
there isnít much of a market for me anymore.
iím running out of colours to dye my hair,
running out of ways to say ëi donít care.í
theme song for nothing
theme song for nothing
not meant as a disclaimer,
not just mistakes have been made.
but i feel weíd have been much cooler
if weíd just killed ourselves back in ninth grade.
do you remember them telling you
ëwrite what you knowí?
well iím quite afraid that what i know
is starting to show.
say ëiím sorryí repeat it one thousand times
(between each line).
tell them you mean it.
tell them you lied.
iím sorry i canít explain
iíve got no right to feel such pain.
iíd like to brag that iím sincere
but thereís no reason this (should/could/would) be real...
i canít say that i donít blame you,
but donít give me the arguments they gave you.
i hope you donít regret
the years theyíve taken from you.
and yet, my unemployment check is in the mail,
and itís coming from a country
that would rather me in jail.
and thatís funny...
theme song for nothing
theme song for nothing
--the human condition.